Redemption
by 7starfish7
Summary: Post Smoked. Elliot has gone through a lot in the past months. After a lot of thinking and personal work is he finally ready to let himself be happy again? Six months and one divorce later can he make things right? Its going to be a bumpy ride. Always E/O
1. Chapter 1

"Today's the day." Said Fin with a smirk on his face. He looked at Elliot and saw the nervousness in his eyes. He smiled lightly. "Man, I never thought I would live to see the day Elliot Stabler was afraid of something."

Elliot scoffed. "I'm not afraid." Fin looked at him with disbelief. "I'm not afraid." He insisted. "I'm just a little nervous."

It had been six months since the fateful day he laid a bullet into that girl. That sweet, innocent, girl whose only crime had been seeking justice for her mother. Unfortunately, her method of seeking justice involved a gun in a precinct and Elliot was forced to take her down.

He hadn't wanted to, but it was something he had no control over.

So here he was, six months later, standing in front of Maroney's bar and waiting for the rest of his group to show up. That's what it took to get him there.

Six months of therapy after he couldn't cope with what he had done.

Five months of fighting with his wife and finally signing the divorce papers after the stress had become too much.

Four months of self-sabotaging and hurting the people he loved because he was angry with the world.

Three months of mending his relationships with his family, his friends, his partner.

Two months of forgiving himself and trying to move on.

And one month of realizing what he needed to do to be happy again.

That's what it took to get him here, waiting for Olivia so he could finally take that next step with her.

And she looked exceptionally beautiful tonight, with her hair in curls, like she wore years ago when she came back from Oregon. She was new, fresh, like he wanted their relationship to be.

The past months had been hard for them. He had been cruel and accusing when she was only trying to help him. But like every other time in their relationship he had only lashed out, pushing her away.

But that would all change tonight because any moment now she would walk through the glass door of Maroney's bar and find the table that he and Fin were now sitting at and sit down with them, sip their drinks, and laugh like they use to.

Fin noticed the nervous sweat on Elliot's forehead as he squeezed the beer in his hands. "Relax, man." Said Fin. "Its just Liv. Its not like you haven't talked to her before."

"Not about this." Elliot began. "And she's doing a damn good job at building up the suspense by waiting outside the fucking windows."

Fin chuckled. "Therapy has made you soft. She probably doesn't know we're here. Ten bucks says shes waiting for us. Go talk to her."

Elliot looked at Fin and nodded before getting up and heading out the door of the bar. He was nervous, he had to admit. Kathy was his first date, the only woman he had ever slept with. The only woman he ever had to impress.

But this was Olivia. He felt like a teenager, hopelessly in love with his best friend and not knowing what the hell to do about it. She turned around and smiled when she saw him.

God, that smile. He missed it. He missed her; missed the way they use to talk, laugh, missed the late night chats in the cribs, or the constant battle of who had to make the ninth pot of coffee after working a long case.

"Elliot." She said with a smile.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "It's good to see you." He said.

She pulled back but stayed in his arms and nodded. He loved the way her hair bounced at the movement and was about to comment on how stunning she looked before a man came up behind her and put his hand on the small of her back and turned her around to him.

"Hi Liv." Said the man.

_Liv?_ He thought. _He calls her Liv? _

"Ben." She cooed with warmth in her voice. "Its about time you got here." She pulled away from Elliot and wrapped her arms around the man before her, holding him tight.

He was pretty sure jealousy was a fatal disease.

He kissed the top of her head and smiled at her with the love and passion that Elliot had in his own eyes.

For the same woman.

"Elliot", she said finally, "This is Ben."

He was pretty sure his heart fucking stopped right there.

"Is he. . . Are you together?" He asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

"Five months." Said Ben, sticking out his hand to greet Elliot. "Ben Carson. Nice to meet you."

Elliot accepted the man's gesture, though he squeezed Ben's hand angrily. He look at Olivia, who was still enveloped in one of Ben's arms.

_Breathe Stabler. Now is not the time to lose control._ "I, uh. . . I'm sorry." Said Elliot. "I didn't know that you were bringing a date. I thought it was just going to be the two of us."

"Isn't Fin here?" She asked.

Fuck. He had forgotten that Fin had agreed to help him meet with her.

After the harsh words they had exchanged he was afraid she wouldn't want to have a drink with him alone. Fin was supposed to keep the peace, then when things were good he would suddenly get a headache and leave. Then he would tell her he was sorry and hopefully she would accept his apology.

He would tell her that after six months of medical leave he was transferring so they could be together. He was taking himself out of the equation to make things easy for her so when he told her he loved her she wouldn't have to choose between him and the job because he had already made that choice and it was her.

It was always her.

But she wasn't his, wasn't in his arms and it wasn't his lips that placed a quick kiss on hers.

"It was great seeing you Liv." He said as he began to walk away, completely ignoring Ben.

"Elliot?" Asked Olivia as she hurried after him. "What's going on? Where are you going?"

He just glared at her, refusing to let the hurt show through and instead replaced it with anger. "I'm going home." His voice was thick with sarcasm as he ground out his final words. "Have fun with Ben."

And with that, he walked away, leaving her to walk back to the bar and sit down with Ben and Fin, who left shortly after Ben ordered his first drink.

"Think your friends like me?" Asked Ben, sarcastically, when they were alone.

"They're just protective." She said as she scooted closer to him in the booth. "And what matters is that I like you." She placed a quick kiss on his lips which he deepened shortly after the initial contact was made.

"I love you." He said when she finally pulled back.

She looked at him with shock written on her face as her mouth hung open and her throat ran dry. Ben cupped her face and ran his thumb under her eye, wiping away one lone tear. "What is it, baby?" He asked.

She shook her head and kissed him once more. "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer - only the story is mine. I do not own the characters, except for Ben.**

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><p>Elliot only stared. It had been two weeks since he had returned back to work. It was hell to cancel his transfer but apparently Cragen had taken pity on him. He had been very patient with Elliot after his incident almost six months ago but in that time Elliot had been rude, angry, and cruel and Cragen's patience was wearing thin.<p>

Cragen wasn't the only one who had had enough. Olivia had been warm and understanding. Each time Elliot lashed out, she held her tongue and took whatever insult he had; telling herself that he was just angry and didn't mean any of it. But when she tried to be kind, start a conversation, he just sat there, angrily, and stared.

"You know Elliot, you're not the only one who has gone through some hard times. Hating everyone and acting like a jerk isn't going to make you feel any better."

Elliot scoffed. "You sound like Huang."

Olivia was about to speak when her phone rang . _Perfect timing_. She thought. Olivia looked at the caller I.D. and smiled. "Hi Ben." She said into the phone. "I only have five minutes."

Elliot listened as she giggled into the phone and made plans for the evening. It made him sick. What the fuck could she be giggling about? _Have fun tonight, Liv. Tell Ben I hope he enjoys fucking my partner. _That thought killed him.

It should be him. He should be the one making her smile. He should be the one to take her home.

"Okay. See you soon, babe. Bye."

"Babe?" He asked when she hung up the phone.

Olivia smiled. "Shut up. I'm happy okay?"

Again he scoffed. "I can see that. A little too happy if you ask me."

"Well I didn't ask you." She retorted.

"Your acting like a fucking school girl."

Olivia slammed the file she was reading shut. "What's your problem Elliot?"

"Oh, my problem?" He snapped. "Since when do you take personal calls at work, Liv? Your new boyfriend is effecting how you do your job."

Olivia felt her blood boiling under her skin. "Since when do you care?" She bit back. "And as for my job performance; you have a lot of nerve Stabler! You wanna talk about my job? How about yours? Everyone here is getting pretty fucking sick of your piss poor attitude."

Elliot braced himself over their adjoining desks, towering over her. "Well maybe I should have just transferred like I had planned!" He ignored the shocked and hurt look on her face. "That way you wont have to deal with my piss poor attitude anymore." And with that he stormed out of the precinct, Olivia following shortly behind him.

"Elliot." She called out when they had reached the hall. "Elliot, what are you talking about?" She placed her hand on his elbow and turned him around to face her. "You were going to transfer?"

Elliot shook his head, regret and rejection stinging in his eyes. "It doesn't matter."

Olivia huffed in shock. "Like hell it doesn't. Elliot, talk to me."

He shook his head and stepped into the elevator, pressing the close door button before Olivia even had a chance to get on.

Instead of waiting for the next one, Olivia ran towards the staircase. She was determined to talk to him as she ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time until she reached the first floor.

Elliot was walking out the door just as she stepped off the last stair. He didn't even notice; not even when she chased him out the door and finally caught up to him in the parking lot at his car.

"Okay!" She pleaded. "Your angry, I get that. Cragen, Munch, Fin; we all get it. What we don't get is why." The desperation in her eyes mirrored his own. "Elliot I know this has been hard but you were doing so well. You were fine until a few weeks ago and now all of a sudden you can't stand to be in the same room with me. Your obviously upset with me but your just too damn stubborn to tell me what you want." She was desperate now, afraid to lose her best friend of almost thirteen years. "I can't fix this until you tell me what I did, Elliot; please just tell me what you want."

"You!" He barked. He saw the shock in her eyes and new she saw the anger in his. He couldn't help himself, he had held it in long enough and he couldn't stand to see the desperation in her eyes and the pleading in her voice. He couldn't stand the thought of her going home to Ben and having him comfort her for the pain he had caused. "You, Olivia, its you."

She was in awe; total fucking shock and awe. "What?"

His throat ran dry. What could he say to her? How could he tell her that he had been in love with her for years and only now that she was happy had he chosen to make his move?

He let his body speak for him instead as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her towards him, putting there lower halves in contact.

She tried to stifle a moan at the contact but he heard it anyway. Olivia felt her blood boil for the second time today. Only this time it was because she couldn't remember ever being so fucking turned on in her life as she felt his erection pressing against her core. He smile when she didn't pull away.

His hands abandoned her hips and moved to her waist, one slowly making its way up her body till it met her head and pulled her in for a kiss.

The second her lips met Olivia felt like her nerves were on fire. He whole body tingled as she shook in his arms both from fear and heat.

He felt it too. What's more is that he was pretty damn certain she could feel his body's reaction to her kiss as much as he could feel hers.

"Tell me you want me." He said. "Please, God, I just want to hear you say that you want me."

Her lips found his jaw and she placed a quick kiss on the skin she found there. His five o'clock shadow tickled her and she giggled.

He made her giggle; that much was complete. She was in his arms. He was kissing her. "Olivia", he moaned, "Liv."

And if it wasn't the most unholy fucking sound he had ever heard; her phone rang. And it wasn't just any ring. It was Ben's ring tone.

"Liv?" His eyes pleaded with her.

Olivia's eyes were watering. She had wanted him for so long. She had wanted him so much. But she was done waiting for him. She had a life now. She was happy now. And she couldn't ruin that just because Elliot had finally decided he wanted her too. She couldn't give up everything she had with Ben because Elliot made up his mind.

Could she?

"Liv?" He asked again. "Olivia let it go. Talk to me." His eyes were watering now too. "Stay with me."

Her phone rang once more. This time she grabbed it from her pocket. "I'm sorry Elliot." She said as she slowly walked away. "I'm sorry."

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><p><strong>Much more drama to come.<strong>

**Review**


	3. Chapter 3

**So SVUerrr gave me a bit of a challenge. I guess this plot has been done before so when writing this chapter I decided to give it a little twist. Thanks for the inspiration and I hope this is the something different you were looking for. Thanks for reading. 3**

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><p>Apparently determination was Elliot's strong suit. It wasn't as if he was aggressive, but his pursuit did not let up. And fuck if he wasn't making staying faithful incredibly fucking difficult with the way he charmed her and his dashing good looks.<p>

It was payback, he thought, for all the years she made him want to cheat.

She wasn't married, neither was he, what was the harm in getting dinner after work or bringing her coffee in the morning? These were things they would always do, before his divorce, before Ben, before he confessed his love.

He tried to hide the hurt. It was everything he had to go on with the way things used to be. He had to. He knew that eventually, once their relationship was fully repaired, that she would at least consider the idea of them being together.

And really, all he needed was for her to consider it.

"Liv", Elliot began, "What are you doing later?"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "Ben has a meeting until ten tonight, so nothing, I guess. Why?"

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to grab dinner."

Damn him. He was making this really fucking hard. She loved Ben. She wanted to be with Ben. But she loved Elliot too and she had wanted Elliot more than she had ever wanted anyone in her entire life.

But she could never have him, because he was married, because it was wrong, because everything about the man drove her crazy. She couldn't have him.

Until now.

But it was too late. Wasn't it? She had spent enough of her life waiting for him. How could he just expect her to drop everything now that he decided he was ready?

"Elliot, we've gotten dinner almost every night this week."

He chuckled. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Olivia looked down. It wasn't as if she didn't enjoy his company, she did. She just didn't want to. She didn't want to be tempted.

"C'mon, Liv, my treat. We'll go to that Chinese place you like so much."

Olivia smiled. Ben hated Chinese. "Okay."

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><p><strong>Location- Little Sigon <strong>

"Lair!" Exclaimed Olivia, playfully. "You're actually expect me to believe you dressed up like Peter Pan?"

Elliot laughed. "Tights and everything. It was her first time trick or treating and she wanted to go as Tinkerbell and Peter Pan. I couldn't turn her down."

"So you actually took Maureen trick or treating dressed in green tights and a red feather in your hat?"

Again he laughed. "Yup."

"I can't believe you never told me about this."

Elliot shrugged. "It never came up."

"Well", said Olivia, chuckling lightly, "I need pictures. I've lived long enough without seeing Stabler in tights."

Elliot jokingly scowled. "No way."

Olivia burst into laughter at his expression. "You look like Cragen when you make that face." He softened immediately but Olivia couldn't help the constant giggles that escaped her lips. Elliot laughed too. "I'm glad you dragged me out tonight", she confessed, "I needed this."

"I'm glad you came." He got quiet and then serious. "Liv, about the other day, what I said, I didn't. . . I wasn't trying to-"

"What were you trying to do?" She asked.

Elliot sighed. "I just wanted you to know."

Olivia shook her head. "What do you want from me, Elliot? You know, you treat me like crap for six months then all of a sudden you call me up telling me to meet you and Fin at a bar so you can apologize but when I show up you blow me off and go right back to being an ass." When she put it that way, it did sound rather confusing. "Elliot you were married for twenty years and out of the blue you-"

"This was not out of the blue." He interrupted. "You and I both know that. I was married but I'm not anymore and don't pretend like you never felt anything between us all those years."

Olivia was shocked. She had never seen Elliot like this and she certainly never expected him to be so candid. Of course she felt it. How the hell could she not? But they weren't supposed to talk about these things. They weren't supposed to acknowledge it.

Elliot softened when he saw the shock on her face. "Olivia, I've gone out on a limb here. You know where I stand." He took out his wallet and left a few bills on the table. "Now its your turn." And with that, he walked away, leaving her to sit and think, alone in the restaurant.

"Wow." Said a voice from behind her. "You really pissed him off."

Olivia turned at the voice, shocked to find none other than Elliot's ex wife sitting not two tables away. "Kathy", said Olivia, "have you been sitting there all this time?"

Kathy shook her head as she made her way over to Olivia. "No", she began, "They just seated me. I'm meeting someone."

"Oh", said Olivia, "How much of that did you hear?"

Kathy chuckled. "Enough. I always knew you two would end up together."

"Kathy-"

"No, Olivia, just save it, okay. I don't want to hear it. It was obvious he was in love with you." Olivia looked at her, confused at the blonde's words. "And there is not a single thing you can say that will convince me you're not in love with him."

Maybe it was because she was angry. Maybe it was because she was still playing hard to get. Whatever her reason, Olivia felt obligated to defend herself against the accusations that weren't entirely false to begin with. "Kathy I'm seeing someone."

Her eyes grew wide. "Is it serious?"

Olivia nodded. "I love him." And she did. She just loved Elliot more.

"So, you're not with Elliot?"

Olivia shook her head. "No."

Kathy sighed in relief. "I thought for sure. . . So you don't love him?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. Not like that, anyway." It was a lie; an outright fucking lie but she wasn't about to admit defeat to the woman who had just accused her of being in love with her husband, ex-husband.

The bell on the door chimed and an attractive man in a business suit walked in and headed towards the table where Kathy had been sitting.

No words were needed. It was with a simple nod that they exchanged goodbyes and Olivia left as Kathy sat down with her date.

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><p><strong>Location- Elliot's Apartment<strong>

Elliot was sitting in his living room on the couch with a glass of whisky in his hands. How could he be so stupid? How could he possibly think she would take him? It wasn't as if she hadn't been clear about her relationship with Ben. She didn't pursue him. He pursued her.

_She has always been there._ He thought. _I guess I just though she always would be._

He heard the soft clicking of the locks on his door and for a moment his heart soared. Besides him, there were only two other people who had a key, his eldest daughter, Maureen, and Olivia.

Since Maureen was away at college it could only mean one thing: the person about to open the door was the love of his life and his devastatingly beautiful partner.

But when the door opened he did not see his partner or his daughter but instead his ex-wife. His heart fell.

And his dick went limp as well.

"Maureen let me barrow her key." She said. "I hope you don't mind."

Elliot scoffed. "What do you need Kathy? Because I'm no in the mood."

She nodded and crossed over to him. "I can see that." She said, motioning to the whisky. "Why are you sulking?"

Elliot took a swig of the amber liquid in his glass. "It doesn't matter."

Kathy put a gentle hand on his knee and he looked at her in the eyes, surprised at the caring gesture. "Elliot, we were married for twenty years. I think you should be able to talk to me."

Elliot shook his head. "Its nothing you would have talked about before."

"Oh." Said Kathy and she removed her hand from his knee. "Her."

Elliot sighed. "Yeah." He said. "Her."

"Why is it always her?" She asked, annoyed. "What is it about her that is so damn irresistible for you?"

Elliot chuckled. "Everything." He saw the hurt in her eyes from his words and sighed. "Kathy, I'm sorry."

She just shook her head. "She doesn't love you, Elliot. When are you going to get that?" She asked harshly.

"You don't that!" He was outraged. "You don't know her!"

"I obviously know her better than you!" She exclaimed. "I had a nice little chat with Olivia tonight and it just breaks my heart to have to tell you that she doesn't love you. She loves someone else!"

She could see his heart crumbling. "Did she say that?" He asked, softly.

Kathy's tone softened. "Yes, Elliot. I'm sorry but she did." In all her years with the man she had only seen him cry twice. Once, when his father died, and once when Maureen was born. So it surprised her to see him crying now, over the woman he could never have. "Elliot", she began, "I didn't come here to upset you."

He looked at her. "Then why did you come here?"

She sighed. "I saw you and Olivia at the restaurant. I thought you two were on a date."

"Me too." He sighed.

She nodded. "I guess we were both wrong." She waited for him to relax little before she continued. "I had a date tonight. I was waiting for him while Olivia and I talked."

Elliot furrowed his eyebrows. "What's this about Kathy?" He was tired and more than annoyed. If she came here to rub her date in his face the he just might lose it.

"I'm getting to that." She said. "When Olivia told me you weren't together, when my date showed up and I realized he wasn't you, it just made me miss you so much."

Elliot looked at her. "What are you saying, Kathy?"

"What I'm saying, Elliot", she began, "is that we made a mistake. I made a mistake. I should never have let you go in your time of need."

"Kath-"

"Twenty years, Elliot. Are you willing to just give all that up? We have five children and a life together. I know I'm not Olivia but I'm here." Her eyes were watering now. "I've always been right here. There was a time when that was enough for you."

"Kathy, I don't know what to say." She made sense. Maybe it was because he was hurt. Maybe it was because he was drunk. Whatever the reason, she made sense.

"Then don't say anything." She leaned into him on the couch. "Just kiss me. Kiss me and if you don't feel anything, I'll leave. Elliot, just kiss me."

He remained still but her lips found his anyway. The kiss was familiar, it was okay, but it wasn't Olivia. It wasn't what he wanted.

Her arms wound up locked around his neck, deepening the kiss. He didn't kiss her back, but he didn't pull away either.

Not until his door swung open and he turned to face his partner who was carrying a box of pizza and a now obviously broken heart.

"Liv." He said.

He didn't have time to say anything else. In the second it took for him to get up from the couch she had dropped the pizza and stormed out the door.

"Elliot, forget about her." Ordered Kathy.

He just glared at her. "I can't." And with that, he dashed out the door, hoping it wasn't too late.

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><p><strong>Nice twist? Let me know.<strong>

**Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Lmao Review. **

**"Oh man...Liv needs to come back and tell him why she was there to begin with  
>like to let him know she came to tell him she loves him. And a bus can run<br>over Kathy now!" - Rhonda Roo**

**- Ehh. . . something like that. Anyway, on with the show.**

**Disclaimer - not mine**

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><p><strong>Earlier:<strong>

"Ben!" Called Olivia as she burst through his apartment door. "Ben, where are you?"

"Liv?" She heard him call from the bedroom. In a flash he was at his front door, circling her in his arms. "Liv, baby, what are you doing here? What's wrong?"

Everything was wrong. The man she loved had given her an ultimatum and the man who was currently holding her wasn't the man she wanted. Everything was fucking wrong. She knew what she wanted but she also knew what she had. What she didn't know was if losing what she had was worth risking it with what she wanted. She let him hold her a while longer before speaking. "Ben, you love me don't you?"

He chuckled and kissed are hair. "You know I do. What's this all about?"

Olivia sighed and led them over to the couch to sit down and settled herself into his chest. "I had a talk with a friend tonight and he just made me think about some things."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Like what?" He asked. "Do I know this friend?"

Olivia clung to his shirt nodded. Leave it to Elliot to make her so insecure about her relationship.

"Is it Elliot?"

Damn! Even Ben knew how easily he could influence her decisions. She nodded again.

"I don't like the way he looks at you."

Olivia lifted herself from his chest. "What do mean?" She asked.

Ben chuckled. "C'mon Olivia don't pretend like you haven't noticed. Its obvious he's in love with you."

Olivia was shocked. Even the man she was currently enveloped in could see that Elliot loved her. How could she have been so blind? How could she not have seen what apparently everyone else in the world had noticed?

"If I wasn't so sure you loved me I would swear you two had a thing."

Her mouth fell open. "What?" She snapped defensively.

Ben shrugged. "Olivia, relax. I'm not accusing you of anything. I know there is nothing going on between you two and I know you love me."

She relaxed a little, knowing that Ben had no clue as to how much in love she really was with Elliot. She smiled. "I do love you, Ben."

He leaned in to kiss her. The second their lips touched a cold empty chill fell over her. He wasn't a bad kisser, actually, he was pretty damn good but he wasn't Elliot. There was no spark, no pop, not like how she felt when Elliot had kissed her days earlier.

"Move in with me." He whispered against her lips.

She pulled back instantly. "What?"

He smiled. "Olivia I love you. You just said you loved me. Move in with me."

Olivia shook her head. What was wrong with her? This was what she wanted. She wanted someone to come home to, someone to love, someone to raise a family with. Why was she so reluctant to let herself be happy? "Ben, I can't."

"Why?" He asked.

_Because your not Elliot._ "I just can't."

"Olivia", he wrapped his arms around her, "Don't I make you happy? Don't you want to be with me?"

She couldn't do this. Could she? Ben did make her happy and she did love him. Why couldn't she do this? Why couldn't she let herself be happy? She fell further into his arms. They didn't feel like they should.

His embrace was nice but it wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't warm and caring, it didn't give her that smoldering heat and rush of lust she got whenever she just looked at Elliot.

Ben was a good guy but there was one thing missing; one thing that she finally realized she could only get from one person. And then it all made sense; the thing stopping her from taking this step suddenly was painfully clear: he wasn't Elliot.

"Olivia, kiss me." He said in response to her silence. "Kiss me and tell me you don't feel something."

He leaned into her. Their lips met. He kissed her passionately, eagerly. She didn't move but she didn't kiss him back either. She couldn't return that kiss. She could never put that much fire into a kiss that wasn't shared with Elliot.

He pulled back. "Well?" He asked. "Olivia?"

She just shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Ben." His head hung down in rejection as Olivia got up and headed out the door. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah", he said, "me too."

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><p>The walk to Elliot's apartment was painfully slow. She had stopped to get his favorite pizza as a peace offering and hoped he would let her in to talk about what had happened tonight.<p>

She wanted him. God, did she want him. And it had taken Ben offering her everything she had ever wanted for her to realize that she only wanted it with him, with Elliot.

Who cares if he dragged it on forever, the point is he was ready now and she wanted him.

She loved him, and apparently he loved her.

She smiled as she placed her key in his door. This was it, the first step to her dream come true.

And then her heart dropped in her stomach. She heard Kathy's soft moans before the door was completely opened.

She was on his couch, kissing him. He wasn't moving, wasn't pulling back, wasn't pulling away.

"Liv." He said as he stood up from the couch.

She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear whatever bullshit excuse he was trying to come up with. Instead she dropped the pizza on the floor and stormed out into the streets.

"Olivia!" She heard him call. She didn't stop. She didn't want him to see the tears streaming down her face.

"Olivia stop." He said when he finally caught up to her. His hands wrapped around her biceps and spun her around to face him.

Again he let his body do the talking as his words failed him. He pulled her into a kiss, the likes of which Ben had tried to produce only an hour ago.

She was on fire, both from anger and from passion but she pulled back from the kiss.

He tasted like Kathy.

"What's the matter with you!" She shouted.

He didn't know what to say. Really, he knew how this looked, he knew what she was thinking.

"Liv", he began, "this isn't what it looks like."

She scoffed. "Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before." She turned to walk away but only made it a few feet before he stopped her again.

"Hey, Olivia, you know what? You never told me you wanted me. You never gave me any indication that wanted to start something! You have no right to be mad."

She glared at him, hurt and anger in her eyes. "Your right, Elliot, I didn't." She was crushed but she couldn't let herself fall apart in front of him. "Have fun with Kathy."

"Liv, I don't want Kathy." He said. "I want you. Isn't that why you're here? Isn't that why you came to see me; to tell me you want me to?"

It was, but she didn't want him to know that. She didn't want to give up the last piece of armor she had in the matter.

She scowled at him. "It doesn't matter. It looks like you've already made up your mind."

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><p><strong>Something BIG is about to happen. Let me know what you think so far.<strong>

**Review.**


	5. Chapter 5

Days had gone by and they still hadn't spoken about what had happened that night. Elliot was enraged and hopeless just as Olivia was cold and distant.

For whatever reason, they tried to be civil in the office. Olivia didn't mention a word about her love life and Elliot refused to even acknowledge Kathy's existence, even when their would-be anniversary came up two days after she had asked him back.

Life seemed to be ruled by inertia, never changing, ongoing, dull, and miserable. They showed up to work, exchanged hellos with everyone but each other, dug into their new cases, and went home.

It was horrible. Every time Elliot looked at Olivia his heart would break. He knew he had hurt her. He knew why she had come to his apartment that night and unfortunately she knew why Kathy had come there as well.

Olivia was heartbroken. After years of cat and mouse, denying their feelings, and putting up with all the jealousy, he had finally made a move. She really thought he meant it. She was willing to put herself on the line and give this thing a real shot. But that was before she found him in a lip lock with his ex-wife just hours after he had proclaimed his love for her. It didn't matter. She wouldn't have to put up with it much longer, not with her transfer papers nearly processed.

Whatever friendship they were afraid of losing was gone. The barely even talked now, unless they were on a stakeout. And that's where they were now, parked across the street of Scarlett's Dance Academy, waiting for their perp to strike.

"Do you see anything?" He asked.

Olivia shook her head. "Nothing."

It was the kind of case that made them both sick. Not only had this man raped and murdered four innocent women but he had the audacity to mutilate their bodies both pre and post mortem. All the women had been about 5'7, curvy, brunette, and in their 40's. Elliot tried to ignore the fact that that description fit Olivia to the T. This certainly hadn't been the first time that a perp set his eyes on a beautiful woman of Olivia's appearance but that didn't make the fact any less disturbing.

"Maybe we should call Fin." Suggested Elliot.

Olivia scoffed. "Why? Sick of me already?"

"Olivia", he began, recognizing the harshness in her question, "I just think Fin should be here, okay? Its not this this guy's attracted to big black guys in their 40's."

"Bastard." She whispered under her breath.

"Excuse me?"

She drew in a deep breath. "I said you're a bastard. Elliot, I am perfectly capable of doing my job. I don't need Fin to do it for me because this guys got a hard-on for brunettes. I can handle this prick."

His mouth fell open. "I never said you couldn't."

"Good." She exclaimed. "Then shut up and keep watch and don't open your mouth again unless you see something."

She was beyond pissed. It was the Gitano case all over again. Its not enough that he found her unappealing relationship wise, but now even her job performance was inadequate . She could have strangled him right there.

Elliot didn't know what to say. Instinct told him to get mad but he remembered what his therapist had told him in the last months about controlling his anger and not pushing the people he cared about away.

That's all he had done after he shot that girl. He was angry. He was distant. And God help any soul that dared cross his path because he was on a rampage.

But he was past that now. He had learned forgiveness. He had learned to forgive himself. He could only hope that Olivia would too.

And then he saw something, out of the corner of his eye. A man with a hoodie, making his way down the street just as the Academy had let out. "Liv." He said.

"Someone better be in trouble, Elliot, because if you-"

"Olivia, I got something."

She got quiet and straightened in her seat to see out his side of the window. They watched as the man observed each of the women, then followed him on foot as he got closer to the crowd.

He was inches away from his next victim and Olivia and Elliot both pulled their guns.

"Freeze! Police!" He shouted.

It happened so fast they didn't even have time to blink. In the instant that those words left his lips that man had thrown the woman into them and took off into the streets.

Olivia followed close behind as she chased him down the crowded streets of New York.

She heard Elliot catching up behind her but she didn't stop for anything. This sick bastard wasn't getting away and she wanted to be the one to personally lock him up and throw away the key.

And fuck if it wasn't exactly like the Gitano case had been. Before Olivia could get a clear shot he swooped up a little girl and shielded himself with her frail body.

Her frantic screams only excited him more as he drew his gun and fired just as Elliot had caught up to the scene.

He had a choice to make. It wasn't enough that he had made it once. Now, after all these years, when he knew just how painful the situation could and more than likely would be, he had to make it again.

The man turned just as the bullet had settled into Olivia's chest. His first steps towards freedom were masked by the sound of Olivia's body colliding with the pavement.

He saw the man run, saw the little girl in his arms.

Then he saw Olivia, saw her blood, saw the life draining from her face.

The little girl screamed.

Olivia gasped.

He had a choice.

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><p><strong>For those of you readind "Diminshing" I am working on chapter two, I just update faster on the story that gets the most reviews. Don't worry, its coming.<strong>

**Who do you think Elliot will choose now that he knows the consequences of his choice? Let me know what you think he will do.**

**Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Olivia!" He screamed as he ran over to her weakening body. His hands were covered in blood as he put pressure on the wound. "Someone, call a bus!" He was panicking now, blood gushing over him as her eyes began to close. "Liv, c'mon Olivia stay with me."

He wanted her to speak, to tell him she was okay, expecting to hear her usual 'I'm fine'. He wanted her to tell him to leave, like she had years ago. Elliot let out a sob as her body went limp and her breathing slowed. "Olivia!" He wanted to slap her, shake her, do something to wake her up but he was afraid to take his hands off the wound.

His last thoughts, as her body was taken away onto the stretcher, was that she would die without knowing that he loved her. After everything that they had been through, she would die thinking she was alone.

And then his feet were moving under him, running towards where the man had taken off. Olivia's voice propelling him to save the little girl. He remembered the fear and determination in her eyes when Gitano had cut her neck. She wanted him to save the boy then and she would want him to save the girl now.

But he hadn't followed them. He didn't know where he was going. He could only run and hope that he would find them in time.

It was then that he noticed the trail of blood, leading down the street. _The girl. _He thought. _He shot the girl. _There was crowd up ahead and his worst fears flashed before him. The man had killed her; he fucking knew it.

Except when he got to the crowd he saw not the body of the little girl, but of the man. A uniformed officer stood over him, radioing in the death.

"The girl", said Elliot, "what happened to the girl?"

The officer stood. "She's okay. One of the guys is taking her to the hospital, just in case, but she seemed fine."

Elliot nodded and looked at the body and noted the gun shot wound on his back. "You shot him?" He asked.

The officer shook his head. "No, I was chasing after him after I heard the gun shots. He just collapsed. He was already shot when I saw him."

Elliot closed his eyes, realizing that Olivia must have fired when he did. She took the shot. She took the shot she hadn't taken years ago.

Guilt welled up in his stomach. A risk; it was a stupid risk. She took the shot knowing that she could have hit the girl and she had taken that risk because he had been such a jerk to her years before.

He made her doubt herself, her ability. Except the girl was fine and the man was dead and Olivia was being rushed to the hospital.

He fell to the floor on his knees. There was so much blood. His hands were still covered in it. A few heartfelt sobs escaped his throat and he felt like vomiting.

Even if he could move, he didn't want to go to the hospital. He was too afraid of what he might find when he got there.

But then a pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him to his feet. There was another officer talking to him but he couldn't make out what he was saying.

He vaguely caught words like; 'hospital' and 'ride'. Elliot nodded and followed the officer into his squad car. It was like he was on auto-pilot as they drove to down the streets of New York.

He could only think of Olivia. He remembered drinking coffee on his stoop after a hard case and the smile on her face when he asked why there was a flower in her cup. He remembered a few years back when she surprised him with his kids at his desk so he wouldn't spend his birthday alone. He remembered their conversation about giving each other a kidney and that's when he recalled her blood type.

The same as his.

It was then that he gained control back over his body, as he rushed down the halls of the hospital. Olivia needed blood, his blood.

The nursed ushered him down the hall into one of the empty rooms. He caught sight of Olivia in the hall. She was being wheeled into surgery, she had tubes down her throat and her face was pale.

Nothing, not even the needle that pierced his skin seconds later, could compare to the pain he felt from that sight. He watched as his blood drained into the bag and then as the image blurred from his tears.

He stayed there, alone in that room, long after the nurse rushed his blood into the operating room.

He pressed the cotton against the puncture wound on his arm and buried his head in his other hand.

He couldn't remember ever feeling so helpless. It was like a part of him was dying and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

All he could think of is how much he would miss her, how empty life would be without hearing her voice, seeing her face, touching her skin.

He didn't know how long he stayed there. At some point Cragen had come to join him but he stayed silent.

Elliot never lifted his head from his hands and Cragen never spoke a word. Elliot vainly sought comfort in the hand resting on his shoulder.

Cragen could feel him trembling and he knew Elliot was crying. His throat tightened when he tried to speak.

Damn.

He wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to be the rock of his unit. He was Captain, cold, unbiased, and unfeeling. But this was Olivia, the woman he considered a daughter and she was hanging on by a thread.

"Be strong, Elliot." He said, having finally found his voice. "She needs you to be strong for her."

Elliot nodded and wiped his tears. He let out a pained sound when he saw the blood drying on his sleeves. "She was bleeding, Cap'. I don't- She was shot."

Cragen nodded. "One of the nurses filled me in on her injuries. They told me you gave her blood."

"She needed it." He said, not missing a beat. His eyes started to water again at just how much blood she had lost and just how pale and lifeless her body looked when they brought her in. "She needed it."

Moments later the same nurse that took his blood walked in, caring a clip board and some juice. She handed the juice to Elliot and told him he needed to drink something after giving blood.

Elliot could have strangled her. He knew that; he was well aware of what he was supposed to do after donating blood. What he didn't know was how Olivia was doing and this stupid nurse was wasting time babbling away about juice.

"How is she?" Asked Cragen, sensing that Elliot was about to snap.

The nurse looked at the men as she began to speak. "Ms. Benson is out of surgery. She bullet went straight through her lung. She is stable for now but other than making her comfortable, there isn't anything else we can do. The next few hours are criticle."

Both men nodded. She was hurt but she was alive. "Can we see her?" Asked Elliot.

The nurse nodded. "Right this way."

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

"How's the little girl?" Asked Olivia when Cragen and Elliot entered the room.

"She's fine." Said Cragen. "He didn't get a chance to hurt her." Olivia nodded and sighed in relief. "That was a risky shot, you took, Liv."

Elliot scowled at Cragn's words. "Can't that wait?"

Olivia held up her hand, signaling to Elliot that she was well enough to talk. "Its fine, Elliot." She said. "So I hit him?"

Cragen nodded. "Yeah, bullet was lodged in his back. He bled out in the middle of the street."

She sighed. "So I guess that means I'll be talking to IAB then?"

"I don't think so." Said Cragen. "This is a pretty clear cut case. Just write up your use of force report when you get the chance. No rush. Just try to take care of yourself and take a few weeks off."

Olivia nodded and with a concerned smile, Cragen left the room and headed to the precinct.

Elliot pulled up the chair next to Olivia's bed and sat down, once Cragen was gone. They were both quiet for a moment and Elliot wondered what to say to her. She didn't look mad but then again she had just been shot. She was probably tired, and scared, and didn't have enough room in her for anger.

Finally, Olivia broke the silence. "Deja vu, huh?" Elliot let out a hard laugh in a single puff of air. He was past the point of jokes. After all that had happened, all that could have happened, well, he couldn't say he wasn't on the verge of breaking down. He looked at her, his eyes full of emotion, and communicated with them; telling her that he thought he'd lost her, that he'd die if that ever happened.

That thought scared him.

It scared her.

"You took the shot." He said. "Even knowing what could happen, you took the shot."

"You chose me." The harsh reality hit them both. He had chosen her, knowing that little girl could have died, knowing there was little he could have done for Olivia anyway. He chose her. "Even knowing the consequences, you chose me." He nodded. "Why?"

"Because I knew the consequences." His eyes bored into hers. "I can't lose you. Liv, I don't know how else to say it." He stood up then, unable to contain himself in the chair. "I don't know what else I can do to prove to that to you."

"Elliot, the other night-"

"Why does that matter, Olivia?" He asked too harshly. "You said no. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want me. Kathy did. She told me about your talk. She told me what you said and then she kissed me." He stopped then, trying to calm himself. "Ya, know I never would have even let her get that far if I thought I had a chance with you. I don't want Kathy. I just didn't know what else to do. How was I supposed to know you changed your mind?"

He looked at her and saw the tears glistening on her eyelashes, threatening to fall as she looked in her lap. "Olivia", he sighed as he walked over to her. He wasn't trying to make her cry. He was just trying to make things right. He sat on the edge of the bed and lifted her chin so she could face him. "I don't know what you want me to do."

Olivia jerked her head away from his touch but her eyes remained locked on his. "I'll tell you what I don't want." She said. "I don't want to fight anymore. Elliot, I'm tired of this game we always play." She reached for his hand and stroked it gently with her thumb. "You've said everything you need to say and now. . . now its my turn."

She got really quiet, as if mentally counting the seconds before a bomb went off. "The reason I went to your apartment that night was because Ben asked me to move in with him."

Elliot lowered his head and removed his hand from hers. "Oh." He said.

Olivia pulled his hand back in hers and smiled. "I wasn't finished." She said. "I told him no. I couldn't do it, El."

His hand covered hers now, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "Why not?" His eyes were on hers and he wore a smug little grin.

She smiled, recognizing and missing, the cocky little bastard that was her partner. "I didn't realize", she began, "I guess it took him offering me everything I ever wanted for me to realize that I didn't want it; not with him, anyway."

He scooted closer to her on the bed and wrapped an arm around her waist. "What do you want?" He asked.

She swallowed hard and met his smoldering gaze. "You." She whispered. "Elliot, its always been you."

And then his lips were on hers, smoldering, hungry, eager, as their lips parted and tongues intertwined.

He groaned into her mouth and pulled her closer to him, careful not to put any pressure on the bullet wound. "You're making this hard." He said when they finally pulled away."

She looked down at the bulge in his pants and smiled. "I can see that."

He followed her eyes and laughed. "No." He said, slightly embarrassed. "I meant waiting." His hand ran up her thigh. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you, how long I've been waiting for you."

She smiled and kissed him again before speaking. "I think I have a pretty good idea, El."

He laughed again and ran his hand down her face, caressing her cheek. "You need to get better and out of here soon." He said. "I've waited long enough and when you do get out of here, I'm taking you out to dinner."

She smiled, but found herself for once in her life wishing he wasn't a gentleman. "That sounds nice." She said. "But how about you come over and I'll cook."

He rose his eyebrows in disbelief. "I thought you couldn't cook." He said.

She smiled. "I said I didn't cook. Never said I couldn't."

"Alright", he said with a kiss, "it's a date."

She brought her lips to his again and her heart pounded at the contact. "Yeah", she said, "it is."

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><p><strong>This was going to be the end but if you want the date then I'll write one more. Maybe some smut? Let me know.<strong>

**Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here it is; the final chapter. I wrote this while listening to Jonh Mayer's "My Stupid Mouth" and "Edge of Desire" (really good songs!) so the mood towards the end is pretty intense. If you have the song, I would reccomend playing it while you read this; starting with "My Stupid Mouth" (You'll see why) and then "Edge of Desire". Enjoy.**

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><p>"This is nice." Said Elliot as he stuck his fork in the pasta on his plate. It had been a little under a month since Olivia was released from the hospital and in that time Elliot had been agonizing over this moment. He felt like a teenager, having only been on one other first date in his life. "I'm still shocked you know how to cook. I was expecting to find a microwavable tray on the table." He laughed and Olivia playfully scowled at him.<p>

"I never get to cook for anyone so this is kind of my hidden talent." She said.

"Oh?" He asked. "Are there any other secrets I don't know? Any other hidden talents?"

Olivia blushed and Elliot could tell she was holding back. "What?" He asked, scooting his chair closer to her. "Tell me."

Olivia kept her eyes on her plate while she spoke, clearly embarrassed. "Well", she began hesitantly, "I can write with my toes."

Elliot laughed. "That's what has you all red? You can write with your toes?" She nodded, feeling like a school girl for being so embarrassed. This was Elliot for crying out loud! The man had been in her apartment dozens of times and they certainly had their fair shares of dinners together; so why was she so damn nervous?

"I was expecting something crazy; like writing with your tongue." He joked. "But, then again, I know there are other things you can do with your tongue."

She blushed again, remembering the kiss they had shared weeks earlier. She played with the food on her plate but otherwise stayed quiet. She didn't know how to respond to him. Sure, they would flirt on occasion but this was different. He was in her apartment, single, sitting beside her, talking about her tongue. She blushed again.

_Way to go, Stabler. _He mentally scolded himself. _Great way to make her feel awkward._

"How did you find that out?" He asked in response to her silence, desperate for a subject change. "What made you decide to write with your toes."

Olivia shook her head and stuck a forkful of pasta in her mouth to avoid talking but Elliot just waiting until she was done chewing to renew his question. "Tell me", he said, "You tell me your secret and I'll tell you mine."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You have a secret?" He nodded, his facial expressions stoic but the tint on his cheeks gave away his embarrassment. She scooted closer to him, suddenly feeling like less of a dork for her nerves. "Tell me."

He dropped his face to the floor, staring at her feet. "You first." He said and gave her a gentle nudge with his foot. She returned the gesture with a nudge of her own, slipping her foot from her heel and engaging in what could only be described as a game of 'footsie'.

Elliot chuckled and receded; instead bringing her foot to rest on his lap. Olivia let out a soft moan when he began massaging her foot and then a burst of giggles when he found a particularly ticklish spot.

"I think I just found your weakness." He said as he continued to tickle her foot. "Where else are you ticklish?"

Olivia couldn't speak over her laughing. Elliot, who was relentless, continued to torment her as she struggled to remove her foot from his grasp.

"Stop!" She laughed. "I can't breathe!"

Elliot lightened his touch but otherwise did not let up. "Tell me how you learned to write with your toes and I'll stop."

Olivia pressed her lips together to keep from laughing but lost all control when his fingers slipped between her toes.

"Okay!" She burst. "Okay, I'll tell you!"

Elliot chuckled and released her foot, which she immediately slipped back in her shoe.

"You're an ass, ya know that." She said, playfully.

"Liv." He began as he nudged her foot with his again.

"Okay." She said quickly, trying to prevent another attack. "I'll tell you; just don't tickle me!" She sighed before speaking. "When I was about nine I broke my right hand and my writing was so sloppy with my left I just decided to try it with my toes. I had homework to do and I didn't think my feet could be any worse than my left hand." She chuckled. "It turned out I was really good at writing with my toes. It looked just like my regular handwriting."

He chuckled lightly and took her hand in his. "How did you break your hand?" He asked.

"That's not fair." She said. "Your supposed to tell me your secret now."

He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb and looked in her eyes. He laughed a little at himself and shook his head, momentarily breaking eye contact. "I'm really nervous." He confessed. "The last first date I went on ended up in divorce."

His candidness shocked her. Elliot wasn't one to say these kinds of things but Olivia recognized that he was putting himself in that position because he was attempting to open up to her; something he rarely did with anyone. He was trying to make things intimate, trying to make things work.

"My mother." She whispered in repsonse. "She broke my hand."

Elliot nodded, understanding why she was hesitant to tell him and understanding why she chose to do so. She was trying too. She wanted to give him that part of herself.

Elliot brought her hand to his lips and gave it a light kiss before moving to her wrist and traveling up her arm.

He stopped when their faces were inches apart and nudged her nose with his, making his intentions clear as he moved to capture her lips.

She pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes at the sensation. It was so new, so thrilling, so complete. "Very smooth." She whispered when he pulled back. His face was still only centimeters from hers and he let out a single laugh in one harsh breath.

His eyes met hers again as he aligned their lips once more. He parted his lips slightly, asking for permission into her mouth.

She allowed it. Tongues mingled and arms wrapped around waists and shouders and somehow they ended up on the bed, exploring clothed bodies with roaming hands.

"Are you sure this isn't too fast?' He asked as he removed his shirt.

Her hands ran up his chest and over his back, pulling him down to her once again. "I want this." She whispered.

He kissed her again as his hands found her waist under her dress, which was now hiked up her body. She sat up and allowed him to remove the clothing from her.

He stared at her bra clad breasts in awe. She was perfect. He had to pull back slightly to look at her, all of her.

He wanted more.

He slid his hands up and under to sides of her bra and began palming her breasts.

She fumbled with his belt as he ran his thumbs over her hardened buds.

"El." She whispered as her head fell on his chest.

His pants slid down to his knees once she got his belt off on button undone. He eased her onto her back and shimmied out of his slacks as he crawled over her.

He brought his hands to her back and undid the clasp of her bra. His chest above hers warmed the sudden cool she felt as she was stripped of the fabric.

She ran her hands down his back, egging him on as he lapped at her breasts. The feeling was intense, as she felt his tongue swirl around on her heated skin. She sucked in a harsh breath, needing release, needing him. She gripped the sides of his boxers and slid them down, letting her fingers linger on his skin as she did so.

He moaned when he felt the head of his dick brush against the lace of her panties. He slid down her body, kissing his was down her leg, taking her panties with him.

He could feel her trembling as his hands learned the texture of her skin.

He caressed every inch of her as he made his way back up her body and stared deep into her eyes. "I want you so bad, Liv." He whispered.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, aligning them as she spoke. "You already have me." She whispered back.

He nodded and pushed himself him, catching her gasp with his lips.

All the breath left her lungs as his body filled hers, so completely. He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck, lavishing her skin with attention as her body stretched to accept his.

He felt her heels dig into his thighs, wordlessly telling him she was ready for him to move, to claim her.

He pulled back and out and she wanted to cry at the loss of contact until he slid back into her and she felt a wave of heat soar through her core.

He ran his hands from her thighs to her waist and back down again till they found their place at her hips where he could feel her thrusting to match his. He moved deeper into her wet center and groaned at the tightness around him.

He held her close, as their bodies moved as one. He wanted to make this last. He wanted to memorize her pleasure fill face and the love deep in her eyes.

He moved slow, deep, striving for intimacy beyond anything either of them had ever had before.

The moment was so perfect, so breathtaking, that she barely recognized when she started flying and burning as wave after wave of bliss crashed over her.

And, as she glided back down from the heavens, he was still there. Still, holding her, moving inside of her, loving her, as he pushed for the final time and collapsed over her.

She barely recognized the weight. She barely recognized her own name as it fell from his silky lips. He rolled them over and let her fall on his chest, loving the way he could feel her body expand as it drew in each breath.

"I love you." He whispered.

He felt her snuggle further into him and she smiled against his chest. "I love you too."


End file.
